I’m over at my best friend’s house as I’m writing this, and it is currently 3.30am. This has been a great time for contemplation, as the hangout has officially reached the point where we’re not even talking to each other, just sitting in the same room, each of us occupied with their own matters. It’s quite beautiful having developed such a bond with someone, where silence can be comfortable and we can co-exist in the same physical realm without necessarily interacting with each other. But this is not what this is about – oh no. This is about the thoughts that have come to me during this lonely companionship session. You know, the 3.30am usual.
Which is a lie – I’m usually dead asleep by this hour, so the 3.30am usual is blissful slumber. But well, tonight’s a sleepover, so we might as well pull a silly all nighter – call that an “awakeover”. Ain’t there nothing wrong with breaking the rules once in a while! We’re young and wild, goddamnit!
You know how many people turn to drugs for this feeling of uncomfortable frenzy, that is oddly calming in spite of definitively being frenzy? I am a huge advocate for sobriety, thus I cannot vouch for such things, but it’s got me thinking – why do drugs when you can just be sleep deprived? Surely this is not just me; everyone’s brain works completely differently past a certain threshold, like micro-dosing surreality. If you want an altered state of mind, man, just stay up for long hours. It’ll do the trick, trust me.
Of course I am not romanticizing insomnia (a condition I thankfully do not suffer from these days), all I’m saying is that voluntary sleeplessness can lead to great things. I started working on a set of lyrics just a while ago, in this self-induced restless state of mine, and guess what – they suck! But they are a unique product of a depleted mind, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is beautiful and irreplaceable. This post, too, is very recognizably a product of a depleted mind, one I will probably read back on after a solid sleep and wonder what in the hell was wrong with my cognition at the time of writing. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is beautiful and irreplaceable.
I like my friend’s house. It’s one of the few places where I’m allowed to smoke indoors, and let me tell ye – lying on a comfy couch while lighting a dart has to be one of the greatest things there is to experience. We also made ourselves some nice, strong coffee at 2am; another means of breaking arbitrary rules. Rebellion is beautiful, isn’t it? I don’t want to mess my life up, yet I long for breaking the rules within safe reason. I suppose I’m no longer micro-dosing surreality – for no, I’m micro-dosing spontaneity.
Blog post, sub-category “teenager realizes they are a real human entity with real-human free will”. Life’s beautiful when you do things you don’t usually do because you’re all up in your own head about it (and because your mom is secretly watching over your adult ass and keeping track of your every sin). Change is scary, but temporary derailment can be harmless and thrilling. So get out there, have some fun. Eat chips for dinner, drink coffee at 2am, write a stupid blog post at 3.30am while blasting 2000s K-pop in your earholes. Deprive yourself of sleep every once in a while, do nothing for a day, contemplate things that don’t matter in the slightest. Micro-dose surreality, micro-dose spontaneity. Live a little. You probably deserve it.
Silia 
Leave a comment